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Hiya,

Wow, no excuses coming from me today. Here I write my all honest truth that I did let things get to a stage where I just didn’t care. Didn’t care to eat heathy, to exercise or take pride in my self and my appearance. I let it all spiral out of control and I have avoided writing about it (in turn being honest to myself). SO here I am today – I write to me, to you, that I am no longer going to ignore that fact that I have become fat and have ignored my health. True to form (a Capricorn girl here) I have set an action plan in place to get me to where I need to be to start living the healthy way I intend and love.

My action plan is a 12 week body transformation challenge – Project BTC. I am going to focus on eating right, exercising and losing weight. I’m sick and tired of being so critical of my body, of not fiting into my clothes and hating what I see in the mirror and photos. Only I can do anything about it so I’m bloody well doing something about it!

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I read an interesting article this morning – “Is weight loss stressing you out”

My first response was hell yes – I’m doing everything right. However the good little angel sitting on my shoulder cynically questioned me “are you really?!?” and I had to be true to myself and honestly say no I wasn’t doing everything right – OK. It’s that time of the month, my wedding is coming up, I’m super busy at work and I’m waiting for someone so unreliable to finally come true to his word (long story…I know in my hearts of hearts it won’t happen but I’ve still got some hope that it will come through) all this combined with my raging hormones I have been binging on chocolate. My one weakness, I never truly enjoy it (as I devour it so quickly I never taste it or feel satisfied because it is sooo forbidden), I feel guilty, angry and self hatred for doing it. The scary thing is I do it in secrete so my other half can’t see. I eat the vending machine chocolate a work (twice this week) and I stop by a petrol station and buy a bar on the way home from work. This is my shameful eating in private secret. My other half has questioned it a few times; you eat so well you should be losing the weight…well no honey I don’t eat well at all!!!! I’m still battling with emotional eating. And the other night I made myself feel so guilty my old friendenemy came to visit me. When I was in high school I suffered from bulimia. I would go through periods of severe starvation to severe binging to severe purging. There were times I would purge everything I ate. I’ve worked bloody heard at overcoming this. And every now and then I revert back to my disordered eating. To this day I still binge but don’t go to the extent of purging so I think I’m getting better…hmm

I should star going back to counselling to finally put a stop to this, but years of useless counsellors has really put a black mark against it. My other half doesn’t know the extent of my battles; he doesn’t know that I still battle with it. He knows I suffered an ED just isn’t aware that I am still struggling with it. And if I’m being truly honest to myself here, my hiding the fact that I eat in secret is a tell tale sign that something isn’t quite right….hmm this thinking on screen has been insightful. At least I’m acknowledging to myself that something isn’t right.

So anyway after my long winded babble…back to the article I was reading this morning – Is weight loss stressing you out?

Here’s a little snippet “..there’s no doubt about it: trying to lose weight is a stressful thing!….The unfortunate part is that this constant stress can make losing weight more difficult. Research shows that chronic stress can affect your metabolism, promoting fat storage, and increasing cravings for sugar, high-fat ‘comfort foods’”.

A quiz was attached to the article (who doesn’t love quizzes)

1)      I have taken a careful look at my eating and exercise habits, and I have a good idea of what I need to change and how I want to do it – my response: Yes. I know exactly what it is that I need to change. I need to stop binging and emotionally eating, I need to reduce my man size dinner portions, I need to include exercise daily again and stop being lazy.

2)      I have accepted the idea that I need to make permanent changes in my lifestyle to lose weight and keep it off permanently – my response: Yes. Instead of focusing on losing numbers I need to concentrate on creating a healthy lifestyle in body and mind.

3)      I will feel successful only if I reach my weight loss goals – My response: yes – losing weight is one of my goals so of course I will feel successful.

4)      I know that it took time to gain weight, and I believe it is best to try and lose weight slowly – my response – No. A party of me wants to lose it quick. But the sensible part of me knows that this is unrealistic and losing weight slowly will keep it off and is healthier , maintainable and achievable.

5)      I am working on weight loss now because I really want to, not because someone else thinks I should – my response: Yes. It is only for me. My other half loves me for who I am. He doesn’t think I am overweight nor has he ever told me to lose weight. This is only for me, to be happy with me body.

6)      If I can manage to lose the weight, I think many other problems in my life will be solved. My response: NO. Those problems will still be there wether I stay at this weight (67kgs) or 58kg

7)      I am willing and able to do a significant amount of physical activity on a daily basis, including planned exercise. My Response: Yes. I want to get back into my old habit of exercising everyday. The gym junkie in me is still there being restraint by the lazy girl.

8)      I can lose weight successfully with no slip up – my response: Hell No. There are always slip ups. Just as long as I pick up  and continue with the good work, the good eating and exercising should outweigh the slip ups.

9)      I am ready, willing and able to spend enough time each day planning and tracking my food intake and exercise activity – my response: Yes. I’m going to start counting calories, my personality is the type were I need accountability (even if its accountability to myself) so counting calories will do that. At least I know if I’m eating enough calories and doing enough activities.

10)   If my weight loss slows down or stalls out, I usually lose my motivation and stop my program. Yes.

11)   When I’m having problems sticking to my plan, I usually reach out to others for help – my response: No. I keep it to myself. Why would I want others to know that I am struggling and not coping emotionally. I portray to the world that I’m coping and everything is great. After all an over achiever like me can’t have faults (why is it that I think others have this expectation of me?)

12)   I have many stressful situations in my life right now. But I’m determined to be successful at weight loss – my response: Yes. I should be able to control this one aspect of my life without it spiralling out of control.

So after analysing my responses this is the feed back attached with my score:

  • You don’t talk to others when you have trouble sticking to your plan. This may indicate that you tend to keep problems to yourself – well hello that’s not news to me!! This can add more stress so I have to reach out when I need to.
  • I have to modify my weight loss expectations when other aspects of my life become difficult. I can expect to lose weight during a difficult period so I should focus on maintaining the weight I’m currently at.

What have I learned from this article? That I have to put my weight loss into meaningful perspective. That I’ve still got issues to overcome and I must reach out for help and that I should talk to my other half about my problems. Because lying to myself is bad lying to my soon to be hubby is heart breaking. I share everything is him except this – ha! There’s always exceptions to rules and laws.

I believe in myself, my strength, my resolution and now that I can find that path to healthy living.

Jennifer

Jennifer's journey to health and happiniess chronicles the ups and downs, achievements and adventures that Jennifer takes to find health and happiness. The journey that will focus on weight loss, good, nutritious eating and exercise with some adventures thrown in for the making. Grab a cuppa, sit back and join Jennifer in her quest for better health.

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