Well since my last post I’ve been MIA.

Time has flown by; I’ve had happy days, sad days and blah days. Our honeymoon went by way to quickly and now I’m back at work (not really slogging away just drifting in and out…ha!). I have no idea what’s happened to my mojo but I do know what’s happened with my motivation.

Rewind a couple of months ago…I was so focused on losing weight so my beautiful size 10 wedding dress would fit me.  It did with the help of my wonderful dress maker who let the dress out an inch. Anyhow, I kept thinking about weight loss, scales, numbers, food, exercise. That on top of stressing about the wedding led me to the dark side, the dark side being stress eating, getting into a bit of despair and clinging on by a loose thread. After the wedding, I let go of that thread and feel deeper into the pit. I completely ignored what I was eating; exercising went out the window and just totally disregarded my self worth. This of course was hidden from my hubby, he saw the happy content me, not the inner me who is hiding from this inner turmoil (I’m very good at hiding this, so good in fact I hide these emotions from me too! go figure). I don’t even want to say eat out loud but here goes – I am struggling to find the balance I achieved. One part of me is so happy, content and in love but another part of me is disappointed with myself for letting go of all my good intentions, of failing me, failing my hubby (though he wouldn’t see it like this) and  in a sense hiding from the world…well not now, not anymore!

It’s time to be honest. I’ve kinda broached the topic with my hubby today and going to continue it tonight. I need his support and help in order to help myself heal. If I can keep my inner fears and failures hidden from him, it will be much more easier for me to ignore the fact that I am not happy in myself. I need to change my way of thinking and doing things and in order for that to occur I need to be honest with him, so I can be honest with myself and the world.

I need to be honest of the following facts:

  1. I am struggling with emotional/binge eating (does eating a whole family size block of chocolate in secreate really fast count as binge eating);
  2. I am eating more junk and processes food;
  3. I am not treating my body with respect;
  4. I am not exercising because I’m just too tired, depressed and lazy. The reason I give my hubby – my foot is still playing up so makes exercising hard, I don’t have my gym membership anymore etc etc…all excuses. I can exercise now  as soon I get better (have a bad chest cold).

All of the above have resulted in me being in a slump oh and the gaining of weight (yikes). All my clothes are tight on me and my bra size has gone up :(! Today I have decided enough is enough! If I don’t do something about this everything is going to spiral out of contol. I need to show my body respect, gratitude and love!!

I’ve started eating clean, I’ve signed up for a 10wk personal training program and I’m saying this out loud and proud that Jennifer’s got her groove back!

Another interesting fact about me – I love self help books, and in true form I have enlisted the help of two self help books to get me back on track:

  1. The Gabriel Method by Job Gabriel; and
  2. The Beck Diet Solution by Dr Judith Beck.

The Gabriel Method is an innovative approach to help you understand the influence of your mindset on your body’s internal logic rather than succumbing to conventional and often unhealthy attitudes towards weight loss 

I’m enthralled so far! The Gabriel Method talk about visualistation, turning off FAT signals and focusing on eating live food. Definite priciples I have heard off, followed and will gladly apply to my journey to health and happiness.

The Beck Diet Solution is a 6 week do it yourself course doing cognitive therapy techniques to:

  • think differently and overcome common dieting pitfalls and  sabotaging thoughts
  • eat favorite foods while steadily losing weight
  • feel in control in the most challenging situations
  • feel confident in their ability to follow a healthy diet and exercise plan
  • remain motivated to maintain weight loss for life
  •  So now that I am going to be honest with my hubby and talk about my inner feelings, hurts, fears and have taken the step at treating my body with respect; I will take each day and love myself enought to do whatever it takes to be the best i can be. I will take it one day, one meal at a time. And I acknowledge that no vice item will ever make me feel happy or whole or satisfied!!

    Look out world I’m back!